even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let's get the cat blown out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
