OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
