I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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