This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
