butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
someone threw a dead crab at me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
