gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
