just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
