I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
