i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
