I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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