if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My cat gives me a boner
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize