Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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