just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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