How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
