I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
