shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
