he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
