my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
