but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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