YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
