Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
