Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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