Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
