The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
