you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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