Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
