I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
