I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it was like eating out sand paper
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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