He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
