Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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