It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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