I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
