my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
