lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
