She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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