So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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