HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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