As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
