I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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