Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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