You made me cry and you don't even care
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
