Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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