oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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