I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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