I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
