So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
