I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize