I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
