I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize