These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize