I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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