I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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