Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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