i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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