y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
