Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
