bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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