fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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