if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
