talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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