I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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