honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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