Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
