first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize