first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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