You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
