you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
