My friends, they love my intelligence
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
