If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
