Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she smelled like a LAN party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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