Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
